


Everybody's Fool

by Zoe Rayne (MontanaHarper)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-05
Updated: 2006-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-18 16:26:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MontanaHarper/pseuds/Zoe%20Rayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "While on an apparently uninhabited planet, Rodney is bit by a bug of unknown origins. No one thinks much of his panic...until they return to Atlantis, and Rodney becomes a sex magnet! Hit on by everyone, can someone find a cure without giving in?" (summary/prompt by delicate_sass)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody's Fool

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Madelyn's [Badfic Summary Mini-Ficathon](http://www.livejournal.com/users/svmadelyn/321001.html). The idea was to have people write badfic summaries, then to assign the summaries to an author and have them write the story.
> 
> (Because I've gotten several emails about this: There _is_ no actual story, the "links" are not clickable, and the joke is the whole ff.net-esque thing, complete with bad chapter excerpts.)

**Prologue:** Origin \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _The insect was huge—gigantic; the size of a Chihuahua, at the very least—and it was very definitely out for blood. Rodney ducked and waved his arms around his head, but there's not much you can do to fend off a bug the size of a small dog._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/05/2005

 **Chapter One:** Hello \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"Dr. McKay," the gate technician—Sergeant something-or-other that Rodney could never remember—said, following Rodney down the corridor towards his quarters. "Can I have a private word with you?"_  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/15/2005

 **Chapter Two:** Give Unto Me \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _It wasn't like Rodney didn't know she was a diplomat—someone whose **job** was to convince people to do things they really didn't want to do—but somehow he was still surprised to find her hand down the front of his pants._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/16/2005

 **Chapter Three:** Tourniquet \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"You've **got** to help me, Carson," Rodney begged as clearly as he could with Carson's mouth pressed against his and Carson's body—and it was really kind of a nice body, for someone as sedentary as Carson—squashing him against the infirmary wall. "If you can't find a cure, mmph, I'm going to die from sexual exhaustion within the week. I've done the equations five times." It was true. He had made charts, too, but he didn't think Carson needed to know that._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/17/2005

 **Chapter Four:** Bring Me to Life \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Rodney wasn't sure why he hadn't noticed Simpson before now. She was, after all, a blonde—though not as tall as he usually liked them, and definitely not as stacked, but still, a blonde...a **natural** blonde—and she was reasonably intelligent, judging by the way she'd hacked her way through his locks and into his quarters._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/18/2005

 **Chapter Five:** Forgive Me \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"Colonel—" Rodney knew his eyes were bugging out—hardly the most attractive look for him, he knew, though he wasn't sure it really made that much difference to Caldwell, who seemed intent on stripping Rodney's clothes off regardless of Rodney's facial expression—but he really couldn't help it. Naked Caldwell was definitely in the top five things Rodney had **never** wanted to see._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 07/19/2005

 **Chapter Six:** Understanding \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"That's, um, a really lovely outfit," Rodney stuttered, his brain threatening to completely shut down—or possibly implode—at the sight of Kate Heightmeyer in black leather fetish gear, lazily flicking a cat o' nine tails against the palm of one hand. He licked his lips and decided what the hell. Maybe this sex god thing had an up side after all._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 09/02/2005

 **Chapter Seven:** Whisper \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Rodney wasn't really expecting the trap—which, in retrospect, he totally should have been, because it wasn't like this was the first time he'd been hanging by one ankle because of Ronon—but he heaved a small sigh and went with it. Who in their right mind turned down blowjobs, anyway?_  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 09/10/2005

 **Chapter Eight:** Taking Over Me \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"I know just what you like, Rodney," Laura whispered in his ear—almost like she was back in his head again, which was a thought both terrifying and kind of hot—and he couldn't suppress the involuntary shiver it evoked. "I've touched you in every way possible. This time, though, I'm going to do it while you're awake to enjoy it."_  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 09/20/2005

 **Chapter Nine:** Thoughtless \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Kavanagh's whine was just as unpleasant when Rodney was fucking him as it was any other time, but the duct tape helped—a lot._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 09/28/2005

 **Chapter Ten:** Undertow \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Rodney told himself that it was just that Teyla could kick his ass into next week—or possibly even next year—so there was no point in resisting, but really he was beginning to wonder if he had some kind of weird danger kink. There was something to be said for sex with a woman who could crush you to death with her thighs._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 10/01/2005

 **Chapter Eleven:** My Immortal \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Even though Rodney knew that whatever it was that had turned him into a sex god affected everyone equally—regardless of their sex or sexual orientation or even preference for partners who weren't petty, arrogant, and bad with people—somehow he still never expected to walk into his room to find John naked and in his bed, slowly jerking off._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 10/05/2005

 **Chapter Twelve:** Field of Innocence \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Rodney was never going to be able to look at Miko again. The book—"Shibari for Dummies"—was bad enough, but the thin, hot pink vinyl tubing she'd pressed into his hands before starting to strip...that was just more than he could deal with._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 12/01/2005

 **Chapter Thirteen:** So Close \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _Radek hadn't even bothered to hunt Rodney down—though Rodney was sure that if anyone could find him and override any security, it would be Radek—but instead had just pinged Rodney on the Atlantis intranet. Rodney was surprised to find that he'd missed cybering._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 12/23/2005

 **Chapter Fourteen:** Where Will You Go \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"I just want you to know—" panting "—that if Hermiod beams me into vacuum—" shifting slightly to improve the angle "—in a fit of jealousy, it's all your fault." Novak's only response was a soft hiccup._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 12/26/2005

 **Chapter Fifteen:** Anywhere \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _The first time with Lorne was in the mess. Rodney had snuck in after hours—desperately hoping to find coffee and something to eat while avoiding anyone who might be inclined to try to fuck him. Two out of three wasn't too bad._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 12/31/2005

 **Chapter Sixteen:** Ascention of the Spirit \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _The glowy Ascended sex was far less interesting than Rodney had imagined. It was downright dull, in fact, but he couldn't get Chaya to even consider corporeal copulation—or any alliterative act, in point of fact. He'd have to apologize to John once this was all over. Possibly with a blowjob._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 12/31/2005

 **Chapter Seventeen:** Solitude \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"Think of it as a team building exercise, Rodney," John said, and—as John, Ronon, and Teyla tugged at his clothes—Rodney couldn't help but think that an orgy beat a ropes course hands down._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 01/01/2006

 **Chapter Eighteen:** Imaginary \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _"You've got one hell of a problem there, McKay," Sam said, her gaze focused on Rodney's hand—stopped mid-stroke on his dick by the sound of her voice—and then she grinned. "You could probably use some help with that?"_  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 01/04/2006

 **Chapter Nineteen:** Eternal \- _reviews_  
 **Summary:** _There had to be some solution to his problem—some way to cure him—and if anyone could find that solution it was Rodney. It was just really difficult for him to actually **care** about it in any meaningful way with John's dick in his ass and Sam's mouth on his dick._  
Stargate: Atlantis - Fiction Rated: Naughty - English - SciFi/Romance/Angst - Published: 01/06/2006

This story is not yet complete.

  


**Author's Note:**

> I could not stop laughing when I saw my prompt. I mean...I wrote this story already. Twice, even! *g* The titles are all Evanescence song titles.


End file.
